"Well," said the woman, "I guess I'd like to be rich."
Poof: The Fairy Godmother turned her rocking chair into solid gold.

"And, I wouldn't mind being a young and beautiful princess."

Poof: The Fairy Godmother tuned the old woman into exquisite young princess, with a priceless crown of jewels.

"Your third wish?" asked the Fairy Godmother.
The elderly woman's dog raised his head and uttered a single, weak, hoarse woof.

"Could you possibly turn my wonderful faithful dog into a handsome prince?"

Poof: There, in front of the old woman, who has now turned into a beautiful princess, stood the most handsome young man anyone had ever seen. More handsome than anyone could possibly imagine. She stared at him in awe, completely smitten.
As he came toward her, her knees weakened. 
He bent down, brushing his lips across her ear as he whispered, "I'll bet you are sorry you had me neutered!"

"Older Lady & A Frog"

An older lady was somewhat lonely, and decided that she needed a pet to keep her company. So off to the pet shop she went. Forlornly, she searched. Nothing seemed to catch her interest, except this one really ugly frog.

As she walked by the barrel he was in, he looked up and winked at her! He whispered, "I'm lonely too, buy me and you won't be sorry."

The old lady figured, what the heck, as she hadn't found anything else. So, she bought the frog and went to her car.

Driving down the road the frog whispered to her, "Kiss me, you won't be sorry." 

So, the old lady figured what the heck, and kissed the frog.

Immediately the frog turned into an absolutely gorgeous, sexy, handsome, young prince. Then the prince kissed her back, and you know what the old lady turned into?
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THE FIRST MOTEL SHE CAME TO!!!!!!!!!

RULES THAT GUYS WISH GIRLS KNEW

If you think you are fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse to answer.

Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.

Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are stuck with her.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it. 

Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.

Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done--not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at. More women should wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses. We like staring at boobs.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends - like THEIR relationship is SO MUCH better.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

THE BRAIN TRANSPLANT

A patient needed a brain transplant and the doctor told the family, ''Brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves.'' ''Well, how much does a brain cost?'' asked the relatives. ''For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000,'' replied the doctor.

Some of the younger male relatives tried to look shocked, but all the men nodded because they thought they understood. But the patient's daughter was unsatisfied and asked, ''Why the difference in price between male brains and female brains?''  ''Standard pricing practice,'' said the doctor. ''Women's brains have to be marked down because they've actually been used.''
    

PETS AT HOME

Mrs. Lonefold's dishwasher quit working, so she called a Repairman.  He couldn't accommodate her with an evening appointment, and, since she had to go to work the next day, she told him: "I'll leave the key under the mat. "Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you the check. By the way, don't worry about my Rottweiler. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, not under any circumstances talk to my parrot!"

When the repairman arrived at Mrs. Lonefold's apartment the next day, he discovered the biggest and meanest looking Rottweiler he had ever
seen.  But, just like she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet, watching the repairman go about his business.

However, the whole time he was there, the parrot drove him nuts with his incessant cursing, yelling, and name-calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled: "Shut up, you stupid ugly bird!" To which the parrot replied: "Get him, Brutus!

FATHERHOOD

Four expectant fathers were in Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor.

The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, "Congratulations sir, You're the father of twins." "What a coincidence" the man said with some obvious pride. "I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team."

The nurse returned in a little while and turned to the second man, "You sir, are the father of triplets." "Wow, That's really an incredible coincidence " he answered. "I work for the 3M Corporation." My buddies at work will never let me live this one down.

An hour later, while the other two men were passing cigars around, the nurse came back, this time she turn to the 3rd man - who had been quiet in the corner. She announced that his wife had just given birth to quadruplets. Stunned, he barely could reply. "Don't tell me another coincidence?" asked the nurse.

After finally regaining his composure, he said "I don't believe it, I work for the Four Seasons Hotel." After hearing this, everybody's attention turned to the 4th guy, who had just fainted, flat out on the floor.

The nurse rushed to his side and after some time, he slowly gained back his consciousness. When he was finally able to speak, you could hear him whispering repeatedly the same phrase over and over again. "I should have never taken that job at 7-Up "I should have never taken that job at 7-Up "I should have never taken that job at 7-Up...